Something Wasn't Right....

This entry is kind of a relection/in response to what Rosie wrote about today. No doubt you have no idea who she is or where her blog is, so i will recap. She mentioned how she went to a pool today that she had been to prior to tx, and it was when she realized that something wasn't right. Suddenly, doing simple things, like walking up a small number of steps to go down the slide left her huffing and puffing. When she got called by her family to get dressed she just sat, and huffed and panted and waited for time to pass until she would feel better. It was this 'event' that opened her eyes and showed her that something wasn't right...

It made me think today of when i had my 'something isn't right' moment. It was back in January (i hate that month for several reasons, now i've got one more! Yipee!). I was thrilled that the winter semester had began, b/c it meant new classes, new buildings, new everything. One class was all the way across campus, and while i knew it would be a bitch at first, I was excited b/c I knew the exercise would make my lungs better and i couldn't wait till the end of the semester when i could stride at ease across the the property in half the time...

That never happened. I never felt better, I felt worse, and I didn't get faster, I just got slower. I began creating excuses to miss that class, and thank god we had a lot of horrible weather that only supported my reasonings for not going ("Wow...it's sure windy out today! I better stay in the library on MSN not accomplishing anything b/c I think I may blow away" or...." It's too cold to walk outside" - typical).

Anywho, the reason was simple: I couldn't do it. It got harder and harder. I began looking for landmarks that I could spot that would encourage me to keep going (the bench! if you reach the bench you can sit!). Always when i got the lights to cross the street, i felt if i took one more step i would pass out. My heart would pound in my chest, wanting to break freak and beat away from me on the cold, sodden ground. My legs felt like rubber. When I got to the building i would pant like i had run a marathon. After i calmed down I'd get hot, and i would get a searing headache. I hate this, and it was this experience that greeted me every other day, twice as day, as i made the summit to MacDonald Hall.

Then one day, my real 'something wasn't right' moment struck. I couldn't walk to the bus stop. I mean i could, it was at the end of my street. Any healthy person could walk to it in under a minute. If the bus came at 10:30am, just leave at 10:29 and you'd get there in 30 seconds.

It took me 10 minutes to get there. I had to take my time. I cannot count the number of times i missed the bus b/c i couldn't walk fast enough and i wouldn't dare run to it (once i did, and how that happened is a miracle beyond miracles). I began hating the walk to the bus stop as much as i hated walking to MacDonald Hall. I didn't understand how people could do it....

Anywho, that's all. I'm late for bed again - damnitt.