A Night in the Sleep Lab

Yes, yes my children, I am back, and I survived my night in the sleep lab.

I left at 8:40pm - I knew I'd end up being late, b/c I had to go to Shoppers to get some stuff before my official departure. Upon my drive to the lab, I got really really upset. I didn't cry, I just got angry. It was such a gorgeous night out - hot, humid, but not overly so. The kind of night where you can just lounge outside and not worry about it cooling off b/c you know it won't. The sun was a bright hot fireball in the sky, making it gorgeous shades of orange, red, peach and some purple. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and go home, and spend the night outside - or to be at the beach, watching the sun set.

But where was I going? Lucky little me was hauling ass to another city for an ultra fun, invite only, sleep over. This was not, and is not, how i pictured my summer. I had plans this year - and who knows if these plans would even fall through, the fact of the matter is they were things that I really wanted to do with my friends but I now can't. Things like going camping, and to the cottage and the beach (not just Emerald Lake, which is fun! but I'm talking Sauble people!) - as well as Canada's Wonderland!!!

But now, I can't:( I can't bring The Monster anywhere b/c it weighs 55lbs and as we know cottages up here, they're crappy but that's half the fun. I don't want to be liable for it breaking through the floor. I can't go to Wonderland b/c I don't have the lung capacity to navigate the park all day. I can't go camping b/c it would phyiscally destroy me. I have no energy for anything anymore. It has been zapped, and right along with it has gone my desire to do anything, and that really makes me mad. Hopefully next summer I will be better and back to my crazy self.

Anywho, enough of my mushiness and "this sucks!" rant. I'm going to shut up and bring you into the world I entered last night.

So i get to the sleep lab at 9:27pm. I sat in my car and wasted time. Eventually i got out and walked to the door, punched in the top secret number (009) and told the people i was there. About 3 minutes later the nurse man (b/c he was a nurse, but he was a man) came down and let me in.

"So you're on oxygen at night?" he asked. "How come?"

What a stupid fucking question, I thought. "B/c I have breathing problems. My oxygen sats get really low at night and I don't sleep well..." What did he expect me to say, "B/c i feel like it!". I shouldn't say bad things b/c he was really nice but still - stupid question!

He said, "ok."

I get to my room which looked very much like a hotel. I was impressed. They told me to fill out the form so I did. It asked questions like why I was there and a list of all my medications and stuff. The guy left and shut the door so I could put my jammies on. As soon as he shut the door I whipped my camera out and began taking pictures. Yes people - I got them! 21 in total!

Connie, the woman responsible for sticking the electrodes on, told me she had to get to some people before me b/c they were tired, and asked if it was ok if i let her attend to them first. I didn't have a problem with it so I let her. She told me the total length of time it takes when applying the electrodes is 30-40 minutes. When my time came she took me to a little room and sat me on some crappy orange metal chair. She swabbed me with alcohol. She scrubbed my head really hard and I asked her if it would take my hair colour out, since I had just gotten it done. She said no and that made me happy, even though she really was scrubbing my head to death. She then scrubbed my face and chin, part of my chest and my legs. She did my legs twice and discovered I had fake tanner on (don't tell anyone!) so now i have a huge strip of paleness on my legs with streaks on my feet. Thanx, Connie!!

She then explained what everything was for. What she said, I don't remember. She proceeded to glue, YES, GLUE, the electrodes to my head, face (under my eyes and middle of my forhead, and under my chin, behind me ears), chest, and legs. Once they are glued on she tapes them. I had wires everywhere. I sat there and I didn't smile. I felt like I was sitting in the electric chair. I couldn't stop coughing the entire time. Get ready for stupid question #2, b/c it's really dumb: I'm sitting there, coughing as I do, and she asked me in a monotone, "Do you have a cough?"

WHAT!?!? EXCUSE ME?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST ASK ME!?!! WOULD YOU LIKE A PRIZE FOR OFFICIALLY ASKING THE DUMBEST QUESTION EVER!?!?! AHH!!! Anyways....

When she finished she sent me off to my room. I went wild when she left. I took so many pictures of me rigged up b/c I wanted to make some memories, and I don't entirely know if taking pics was ok. I had a regular camera and an infrared attached to the ceiling. So far, no one has said anything...

So the night began and she ran some tests to see if everything worked which it did. But 10 minutes into my sleep she comes in and says something has moved, she fixes it, leaves, comes back and fixes it again. Blah blah, either way I was getting pissed off that she was messing up my results and I was going to do really bad on this sleep lab. It was bad enough I kept waking up from coughing.

At 2am she came in and asked if i was ok. I was in a deep sleep and she destroyed it. I said, "Yeah, how come?" and she said, "Your oxygen level dropped really low.." and i said, "Oh, it probably fell off..." which not to my surprise, it did. It was that moment i had an epiphany and realized that this was the real thing - i am really dependent on O2 at night and my lungs are really crapping out on me. Oh well.

Blah blah skip ahead 3 hours...MORNING TIME! WAKE THE HELL UP! DING DING DING! I wake up at 5:50 and she rips everything off me and sends me on my way. I am shocked at the amount of glue stuck on my head. She caked it on. When she ripped the tape off from under my eye she took some skin with it and i've got a nice little scratch. Again - thanx Connie!!

Ok so that's it for now. I'm sorry this wasn't more entertaining. I must add though, as yesterday was 07/07/07, guess what room number I was in?? #7! How weird eh!

Have a good day and enjoy this bizarre weather - wherever you are.